


Unmask

by sweeternong



Series: 格格不入 - the playlist [4]
Category: NINE PERCENT (Band), 偶像练习生 | Idol Producer (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Spirits, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Reunion, don't let character death tag scares you, npc reunites in fanfic cuz it doesn't happen irl, shayi and qilin mentioned cuz i love them, snow spirits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:21:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28297452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweeternong/pseuds/sweeternong
Summary: As the world and the gods came to sleep in the winter, those bound under their influence could finally taste the joy of freedom.Everyone but Xukun, a mellow winter spirit with a centuries-old frozen heart. Slowly losing hope yet unable to leave this world, he was encouraged by a fellow snow spirit to give himself one last effort to try and find his own warmth.In a winter that started off with an extraordinary dream, will Xukun finally find that warmth?
Relationships: Cai Xukun/Zhu Zhengting | Jung Jung
Series: 格格不入 - the playlist [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1915309
Comments: 6
Kudos: 12
Collections: Cloud 9 Holiday Drabbles





	Unmask

**Author's Note:**

  * For [xiyous (lvl059)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lvl059/gifts).



> Hello, this is a Christmas give for [xiyous](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lvl059/pseuds/xiyous) based on the prompt: every winter, snow spirits are finally allowed to roam a few other places than the usual. That specific winter, A finally finds out the meaning of "warmth".
> 
> I'm sorry if this fanfic doesn't meet you requirement and sorry that the pair is not Zhangjing related but I hope you will still enjoy it!

_“Kunkun come on,”_

_It was that nameless boy again; one of the eight he always sees, the prettiest one with long brown hair and dark brown eyes. He was currently tugging memory Xukun’s hand with so much excitement that even Xukun himself couldn’t help but smile a little._

_“Calm down, it’s just snowfall. It snows here almost every single day of the winter,”_

_The beautiful boy gave him a small pout but it the same huge grin soon replaced it again in a matter of seconds._

_“But it’s the first snow, you know what that means right?”_

_“Yes, I know,”_

_Xukun said and the boy’s grin widened. The two of them quickly rushed down the staircase; the brown-haired boy was pulling memory Xukun’s hands so hard that it definitely hurt but the other didn’t let out a single complaint._

_Astounding snow-filled landscape greeted the two of them the moment they stepped their feet out of the house. The snow piling on tree branches, the bright light from houses in contrast to the cloudy sky, and kids running around throwing snowballs at each other; all the running and tugging were worth it._

_It was beautiful but this Xukun in the memory knew that what made the sight more beautiful was the presence of the beautiful boy next to him._

_“I love you Kunkun,”_

_They say that if you confess your love during the first snowfall, that love will last for a very long time, not forever since human life is short and that love ends when one of the two parties involved leaves this world._

_But during the time when religion dominates the world and all sorts of weird beliefs are the basis of human life, the myth of the first snowfall is something that every single couple in the small village believes in and even those who are already dating or married will still insist on watching the first snowfall with their significant other._

_“I love you too-”_

_Usually, Xukun’s dream will stop right here and there; there were always faces but never a name to any of those faces that the current Xukun knew were once significant for the Xukun in his memory._

_“-Zhengzheng,”_

Just like when he first woke up from his deep slumber under the frozen lake hundreds of years ago, snowfall was the first thing that Xukun saw as his eyelids slowly fluttered open, awakening him from his sleep and parting him from what might have been the best dream he ever had since he became a snow spirit.

For a few minutes, Xukun just laid there and stared at the grey sky above. He was still in shock and if he was still a human, his heart would definitely start drumming wildly against his chest right now but as Xukun placed his left hand on his heart, he was once again disappointed by the fact that the stupid organ was still once again not beating.

‘I really thought it will be different today,’

Every single time Xukun woke up from his dreams, there were only two things that he always wished would happen; the first one being reincarnated once again as a human or getting his full memories back.

Snow spirits don’t have complete memories of their past; most of them just have fragments of what was once their happiest memories but none of them would have any kind of names attached to the memories. None of them could remember the place the event was taking place at nor could they remember the name of the people in their memories.

Xukun heard that the nature gods had erased those details so that snow spirits could be freed from the pain of never being able to be with their loved ones anymore and also to relieve them from the painful memory of their deaths but Xukun always thinks the nature gods are just spewing a lot of bullshits.

Not being able to remember anything was painful and locking them up in only one place to prevent them from recovering those memories isn’t helping the recovery process at all.

And Xukun knows all this because even after hundreds of years of dreaming happy memories of those nameless faces and waking up alone in the place where he dies, the pain of death never subsided and the feeling of longing for a certain warmth is still there.

“Kunkun are you okay?”

Xukun sat himself up and looked towards his right where Guo Qilin, a fellow snow spirit who died some hundred years after Xukun and also the closest thing he had to a friend, was standing.

“I’m good,”

Xukun said casually, trying to pretend that nothing had happened but having been living with him for more than 400 years, Qilin knew that the other was definitely not okay at all.

“Take it easy, okay?”

Qilin died later than Xukun and it technically means that he should have been the younger brother but Qilin’s human age was older when he died and that was why the shorter male always acts like an older brother to Xukun.

“Sure, sure, what brings you here?”

Unlike Xukun who was much more antisocial, Qilin gets along with many other snow spirits who had died in the lake here and oftentimes acts as a messenger between them.

“Oh right, Sha-tie told me that one of the other spirits had confirmed that the nature gods had gone into hibernation,”

Snow spirits weren’t able to escape their designated area because of the nature gods binding spell but as nature goes into a period of hibernation during the winter, that spell would weaken and as they get deeper and deeper into the winter, the spell will get so weak to the point that winter spirits can finally travel out of their respective areas.

But when spring comes and the nature gods’ influence becomes stronger once again, the spirits will naturally get dragged back into their respective area no matter how far away they are from that place and even if they didn’t get dragged back, the nature gods will always find a way to teleport them back to the place and lock them there once again.

“Ah right thank you so much for the info,”

Xukun said but remained unmoving from his place. Most winter spirits will be overjoyed by this news but then again, Xukun had always been kind of different.

“Are you not going anywhere?”

Xukun was once like the other winter spirits, he was once also enthusiastic about the idea of exploring and finally finding his own answers but years of finding nothing and experiencing fake warmth from the temporary partners that he spent the winter with had worn him down too much to the point of exhaustion.

Realizing that you will never find a place where you can truly belong hurts a lot and Xukun was so done getting hurt, so done getting jealous of seeing human having fun with their loved one, and so done feeling the grief of being forcefully dragged back again once the season of flowers came around.

“I don’t know,”

Xukun had thought that finally knowing the name of a character in his memory means something big but it was most likely just a sign of nature gods’ weakening influence though this had actually never happened to anyone before.

“Everyone will be going away,”

This is Qilin’s way of encouraging him to travel around once again but alas, Xukun had become way too used to being alone that he really couldn’t care about spending the winter alone.

“You got a name, not everyone can get them. You shouldn’t give up yet,”

Xukun looked at Qilin in shock and the other just smiles at him.

“How?”

“You muttered his name in your sleep,”

Xukun really had thought that Qilin developed some sort of mind-reading ability but thank god, it was just his own doing.

“Name means nothing besides that is definitely just a nickname,”

“Nobody ever got a name Xukun,”

Xukun didn’t know why he was in such a big denial of the truth; what just happened was a big thing but it still didn’t mean that he would finally be able to meet the people in his dream or the place where those events took place.

“Those things happened hundreds of years ago, everyone involved is probably dead already,”

Qilin let out an exasperated sigh. He knew Xukun was right but he still didn’t want the other to spend his winter alone here once again.

“Just give it one last try, I won’t bug you anymore after this,”

Xukun might have a cold, dead heart but that didn’t mean that he was completely heartless; seeing the dejected look on Qilin’s face still made him feel bad.

“Okay, I will go,”

Qilin gave him a bright smile and a thumbs up before finally walking away, probably to ready himself for his own trip.

One last chance and after that, Xukun would be done for real.

❁❀❁

Xukun promised Qilin that he would try again but in reality, he really didn’t know how the fuck he should even start.

In his dream, he and this Zhengzheng lived in a big house where the loud noises of other kids could be heard in the background so there was a good chance that the place in question was an orphanage.

That was one clue but there were thousands of orphanages and he couldn’t possibly go and visit each one in less than three months.

The next clue was that he seemed younger in his memory, probably around 14-15 years old since he was just a bit shorter than his current body that he estimated to be around 20 years old.

Xukun never dreamt of anything past the age of fifteen; he had never seen a single memory where he had his current appearance and that was an odd thing because almost everyone he knew (which really wasn’t actually that much) could recall things from various parts of their lives. Their memories were not limited to him.

What exactly happened in his late adolescence that lead him to his death?

Not really knowing where to go, Xukun just randomly flew over a few cities until night came and he finally settled on an old tree near the lake in a national park. Since he traveled to places quite further up in the north, Xukun assumed that the temperature here was much colder judging from the thin layer of frost on top of the lake; ‘assumed’ because, in reality, snow spirits like himself couldn’t really feel the cold.

Xukun stared at the dark reddish sky above; time had changed so much and human’s light pollution had destroyed the once beautiful starry night.

Those starless night skies always made him feel out of place and the modern clothing people wear these days made him feel even worse. He didn’t belong to this place in his light blue Hanfu, long black hair, and memories of starry nights.

❁❀❁

 _“Kun-ge,”_

_Xukun didn’t even realize that he had fallen asleep until he heard the scared voice coming from his right._

_In this memory, the surrounding wasn’t bright and shiny, it was dark and gloomy. His memory self was shivering slightly as he hugged the scared boy on his right and pulled the blanket closer around the two of them._

_“I don’t want to die,”_

_This definitely wasn’t a good memory which was unusual because the nature gods always insists on making their spirits live in pseudo euphoria where they can only remember good things._

_“You won’t, I am here to protect you,”_

_Memory Xukun tried to sound convincing but the shakiness and the repressed sadness in his voice weren’t helping._

_“How about Zheng-ge and ---, what will happen to them?”_

_Just like in his other memories, the name of the characters was censored except for this Zheng-ge. He must be the beautiful Zhengzheng from his previous dream._

_“I-I don’t know,”_

_This time, memory Xukun didn’t even try to hide his own sadness and in no time, tears began flowing down his face._

_“I’m sorry xiaojia I’m so sorry,”_

Xukun was once again woken up with a weird tingling feeling in his supposedly cold and dead heart.

Another faceless character had gotten a name- well, a nickname but it didn’t matter; what mattered was that his dreams started to deviate more and more from the normal.

The usually brightly lit two-story house was cold and gloomy and something must have had happened to the rest of the kids in the orphanage because they weren’t there in his dream.

Xukun didn’t want to admit it but he did feel a little spark in his heart at the thought that he started to find out more and more about what happened to him when he was alive, the full story of his life.

He was never a fan of dramas unlike other snow spirits who would spend their time hovering over some random humans to see the things going on in their phone but now he finally understood what was so interesting about following the life story of someone else but the difference was that this someone else was just the living version of himself.

But knowing another nickname though exciting, wasn’t really that much of a clue by itself and so Xukun spent the next day hovering over cities pointlessly just like he did the day before and when night came, he once again settled down on a park to get a rest.

But this time, the light pollution wasn’t as bad and there were stars, albeit very little in numbers, in the deep blue sky.

That in itself was a little happiness for Xukun and he fell asleep almost as soon as he laid his body on the ground.

_“Let’s travel to Beijing for the summer,”_

_This time, Zhengzheng and he weren’t running around the orphanage but were instead relaxing in a remote place on the outskirt of the town where the wind blew on the flower and grass gently, and they could see the small town from the small hill they were sitting on._

_“Beijing is not so far from here but you know we don’t have the money to do that,”_

_Memory Xukun said without glancing away from his book. Zhengzheng who was previously laying down on the grass a few centimeters away rolled himself over so that his body was lying sideways facing memory Xukun._

_“I’ve been working in the market recently. I have some money,”_

_This caught memory Xukun’s attention and he finally lowered the book he was reading to look at the brown-haired boy next to him; Zhengzheng gave him a big smile in return._

_“Here, look!”_

_Xukun expected the brunette to pull out a huge sum of money but instead, he only pulled out 5 shabby coins from his pocket._

_Memory Xukun must have had the same thought as him judging from the flash of grimace he had when Zhengzheng first pulled out those coins but that expression was quickly replaced with a much more neutral one._

_“I’m sorry Zhengzheng but I don’t think it will be enough,”_

_Zhengzheng’s smile was immediately gone and he pouted a bit before gripping the five coins tightly in his hands._

_“I just got scammed again, didn’t I? Argh, what is wrong with people? I know I am not educated enough to know the value of money but they shouldn’t even scam me in the first place,”_

_Zhengzheng looked like he was about to cry; his body was shaking and his fist was clenched so tightly that his knuckles turned white and blood began to flow from where the nails were scratching the skin._

_“Zhengzheng calm-”_

_“ARGH, SCREW THEM!”_

_Zhengzheng suddenly stood up and threw the five coins down the slope below, one of the coins made a ‘clink’ noise as it hit the stone before disappearing amongst the vegetation._

_“The coins looked slightly different so I really thought they worth more even though there are so few of them,”_

_Xukun felt so bad for the other boy, humans had always been evil no matter what the timeline was._

_The Zhengzheng in this memory was too angry that he didn’t even cry; his eyes were bloodshot and his nostrils were flaring angrily, the other looked closer to someone ready to commit a murder._

_“Don’t worry Zhengzheng, once I pass the exam, I promise, I will bring all of us there,”_

When Xukun woke up this time, he didn’t feel the same kind of exciting pseudo heart beating as he did previously.

Sure, he was still excited about finding more and more about his past self but based on this memory, Xukun could pretty much picture the situation his younger self was in.

Maybe the gods really did have a valid reason for erasing his memories.

❁❀❁

That dream did provide him with a good enough clue to narrow down his search area; to somewhere near Beijing which honestly was still a big range to search from.

However, being a snow spirit, Xukun could speed his way across cities and towns at a higher speed than human cars; going from place to places wouldn’t be that much of a problem.

The bigger problem was that the current landscape and the landscape from when he was still alive were totally different; all the trees, buildings, and roads had been modified and Xukun was losing the hope of even finding the place more and more despite the blossoming of more and more clues.

It had been three weeks since his last dream and as Xukun circled the same city for the seventh time, he really wished he didn’t even bother trying in the first place.

Xukun had thought that after getting new dreams for two consecutive nights, he would be getting more and more of them the following nights but was thoroughly disappointed when all he got was the same old euphoric ones; dreamless nights seemed more appealing at this point.

Time passed and the sun was finally replaced by the moon again. Xukun was getting sick of sleeping in the park so for tonight, he decided to sleep on the top of a short building that seemed to have been used for training by almost a hundred people in the morning but was pretty much empty at night now that everyone was back in their dorms to sleep.

The rooftop was hard and was nowhere near ideal for sleeping but just like usual, Xukun fell asleep immediately and was once again dragged into another memory.

_“Are we not gonna leave?”_

_Finally, a memory he had never seen before._

_“We don’t have the money,”_

_Memory Xukun answered and the boy in front of him started tugging his hair in frustration, ruining the once perfect ponytail._

_“But everyone is leaving, we are going to die if we stay here,”_

_The boy yelled once again in frustration and would have yelled some more had Zhengzheng and one other boy stood up and dragged him back to his seat._

_Memory Xukun glanced at the window to his left and sure enough, the last few of the remaining neighbors were loading their belongings into a cart, ready to move away._

_“We don’t have any carriage or horse, if we try to walk, the cold wind will kill us either way,”_

_The boy who was previously yelling started to cry and soon the other younger members followed suit including the Xiaojia Xukun had seen in the previous memory._

_“Is there really no hope?”_

_Zhengzheng asked, staring right into memory Xukun with sadness in his eyes. The sobbings in the background grew louder and louder that Xukun wasn’t sure that Zhengzheng would even be able to hear memory Xukun’s response._

_“I’m sorry Zhengzheng,”_

_Normally, Xukun would have woken up by this point but the dream continued and he was taken to the next part of the story._

_“CHENGCHENG, CHENGCHENG,”_

_Xukun could hear the rushing of footsteps up the stairs but his attention was focused on the two figures in front of him; one of them was standing up and Xukun recognized him as Xiaojia while the other was lying motionless on the ground, he must have been Chengcheng._

_“What happened?”_

_Memory Xukun asked in panic, quickly checking the motionless boy’s pulse and immediately felt relieved when he could feel them._

_“What should we do Kun-ge?”_

_A tall boy with doe-eyes asked, his face filled with fear as he stared at Chengcheng’s unmoving body._

_“For now, wrap him up in a warm blanket and try to keep this room as warm as possible with our leftover firewood. The rest of you can stay here while I and Xiaojia will-”_

_Memory Xukun’s speech was interrupted by another loud thump coming from behind where the rest of the group was standing._

_“ZHENGZHENG-”_

_One of the older boys screamed in panic; he quickly knelt to hold the fainted boy in his arms, trying to keep his cold body warm._

_Memory Xukun’s face paled at the sight of his sick lover but he was still the leader of the group and had to stay calm for the sake of everyone else._

_“The rest of you must keep the two of them warm while Xiaojia and I stay downstairs to watch the road in case anyone is traveling by,”_

Xukun couldn’t be more grateful for the fact that he woke up from his sleep because he really didn’t need to watch anymore to know what was going to happen.

He felt like vomiting the moment he woke up from his sleep which was technically impossible since he hadn’t eaten anything and wasn’t required to do so anyway.

But still, his body had the memory of doing so and hence why he was coughing uncontrollably even though nothing came out in return.

“Omygod, are you okay?”

When Xukun turned his head to the source of voice to his left, he immediately stopped coughing from shock. He must still be dreaming because no way what he was seeing was real.

“Zhengzheng?”

With the same long brown hair, white hanfu with silver pattern was none other than the Zhengzheng he kept seeing in his memory. The man who was once his lover, still as beautiful as he once was.

“You remember me,”

And Zhengzheng recognized him too. He really must still be in dreamland.

“How come? Where am I?”

“One question at a time hey, calm down Kunkun,”

Xukun pinched himself on the arm and it hurt. He really was awake; this wasn’t a dream.

“You are awake and I’m a spirit just like you. It as unfortunate you traveled far with the merchants and died somewhere else so we can’t be stuck in the same place,”

Zhengzheng chuckled a little before placing one of his hands on top of Xukun’s own before entangling them.

Whatever Xukun was feeling right now must have been the leftover feelings from his living self but just from that single touch, Xukun felt more alive than he had been in the past 500 years of his life.

“And we are in this place called Dachang, this is where we used to live but people finally found a way to make use of this place,”

Ah, so he did finally find the right place and that was why most of his memories were coming back.

“Where are the rest?”

Xukun shouldn’t have asked that question; he wasn’t even sure if the rest of his friends were converted into spirits too.

“They are downstairs, come on, I’ll take you to them,”

Xukun let out a breath of relief and he once again felt that pseudo heart thumping but this time it was because of excitement.

Just like what happened in his dream, Zhengzheng was tugging his hand as they left the room and descended the stairs but this time there was no rush or painful grip yet Xukun’s stomach still felt all fuzzy, and the area where they were touching still felt warm.

Everything was different yet the excitement never changed; their feelings never changed even after half a millennium had passed.

“Zhengzheng,”

Xukun called the other by his nickname wearily. He had been wanting to ask this question but Xukun wasn’t sure if Zhengzheng would be offended by the question or not.

“Yeah?”

Zengting said, stopping his steps and turning around to face him. He was wearing a gentle smile and Xukun was once again smitten by it.

“I’m sorry, I know I said I remember you but I can’t recall your real name,”

Xukun said, averting his gaze so that he didn’t have to look at the other boy in case he got upset by the question. Zhengzheng didn’t.

“Hey, it’s fine to ask questions, my name is Zhengting, Zhu Zhengting; now you have to remember it,”

Zhengting giggled, he raised one of his hand to guide Xukun’s face back to him so they were directly looking at each other. Xukun didn’t see any sign of offense on the other’s face, just fondness, and love, the two things that would never change.

“Let’s go meet the others now, you can ask their name they will understand,”

The two of them continued the rest of their mini trip with their hands still entangled with each other. Xukun wished this moment lasted forever since he never wanted to let go of these hands ever again.

“Oh, our leader is back,”

As his memories hadn’t fully come back yet, Xukun still couldn’t figure out the identity of the dimpled man greeting him so he just stared at the man weirdly while racking his memory in case he had missed anything.

“I’m Lin Yanjun,”

Yanjun provided helpfully, he didn’t seem to be offended by the fact that Xukun had forgotten about him; it might be because he had probably experienced the same thing in the past.

“Omygod, he really is here,”

This time it was Chengcheng; the younger boy was only wearing his underwear and his long hair was a whole mess, most likely have just woken up from his sleep.

“Chengcheng right?”

“You remember me,”

Chengcheng gave him a toothy smile and Xukun felt happy, incredibly happy because the boy was no longer in pain unlike the him in his memory.

Soon, everyone else began filtering in, the doe-eyed boy who went by Linong or Nongnong, You Zhangjing who was the other boy holding Chengcheng back, Wang Ziyi who Xukun slowly remembered as the one he talked to whenever he was having trouble, and finally Xiao Jia, the boy who he had spent the night watching the street with him.

“Aren’t we missing someone?”

Xukun may have suffered memory loss but he was sure that there were nine of them, not eight.

“Ah that one right now must be-”

“AHAHAHHAHAHAHA YOU GUYS SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE SCARED EXPRESSION ON THEIR FACE,”

A boy burst in through the window while laughing out loud, he was laughing so much that tears even formed on the side of his face.

“That is Wang Linkai in case you don’t remember but he calls himself Xiao gui because he’s the little ‘ghost’ that has been haunting this place,”

Zhengting explained while Xiao Gui continued laughing out loud before abruptly stopping when he saw Xukun.

“No way,”

Snow spirits moved fast but Xiao Gui literally flew onto Xukun and latched onto him like a koala.

“You are finally back,”

Xukun never hugged anyone in the past 500 years and he wasn’t someone who liked the human touch in general but holding Zhengting’s hand and being hugged by Xiao gui felt nice; they felt warm, very very warm.

Qilin was a good friend and Sha Yi was a great father figure but right here, in between the 8 boys who had suffered together in their life with him, he really felt a much stronger sense of belonging.

“I’m home,”

A single tear fell from the corner of Xukun’s eyes; his heart might not be beating anymore but for the first time in 500 years, it finally felt warm and that felt right.

_Two months passed and spring came by. Many winter spirits came back to their prison, dejected and hadn’t found their answer yet but those who did experience otherwise; Xukun never came back to his prison since he was finally home._

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this and making it to the end! The middle part of the story might be a little confusing as I decided to cut off some parts since it just seems too gloomy for a Christmas gift :D (if you wanna see it though leave a comment below and I will try to find a way to give it to you!)
> 
> But what basically happened was the 8 of them died due to the harsh winter but Xukun survived and moved away to somewhere further away from where he used to live and he too also died from drowning in a frozen lake not too long after (around 5 years) and became a snow spirit.
> 
> Anyway, that's all from me. Once again, thank you so much for reading, have a nice day and jolly Christmas!!! kudos and comments are highly appreciated, cheers!


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